My Story

By Desiree

Since elementary school we had been close. She was a friend, a sibling. At times it seemed like she was the only one that was ever there for you. We laughed and played and did all that fun kid stuff. 

Then in middle school she told me she was leaving. She was going to live at a residential school. I was out sick the day she left and never got to say goodbye. I missed her but life went on.

Towards the begining of highschool she started emailing me. She was moving back and would get to come to school with us again. 

Day 1 of highschool was pretty scary. Everything was new. Meeting new people. Reconnecting with old friends. And then 5th period history there she was. Sitting right in front of me. For the remainder of the year we shared that class and lunch everyday. It was so much fun being with my best friend again. It was just like old times. Except for the pain in her eyes. Things were not well at home. I said to myself that's life. But I was wrong. That's not life. 

Sophomore year finally comes around and we didn't get any classes together. But I got to see her outside of school at the movies and the icepark. We kept a notebook that we passed back and forth every few days. Not giving it up untill we had written at least a few pages in it. I remember writing at the strangest times. Freezing on a bus with no heater. In math class when I should have been paying attention. During lunch. At home under the covers late at night. We talked about the randomest things too. Life. 

And then she moved again. Her parents split and she was going to live with her dad. 

And again she was gone. Just like that. 

But she only moved half an hour away. I still saw her on occasion during a birthday or on the weekend. 

But more than anything we emailed. Sometimes multiple times a day. We discussed life. Love. Pain. She shared her stories. Her pictures. Her wonderful poetry. Her sadness. Her joy. Her life. She always brought a smile to my face.

It's now our senior year of high school. Life is moving along. I'm hanging with some new friends and gettin better grades but mostly doing the same stuff. It's been a while since I have seen Desiree and we haven't been emailing as often. Only once every few months or so. 

On November 3rd I get a phone call. Little did I know that call would change my life.

They were talking. I heard the words. But they didn't make sense.

She's Gone.

We didn't know anything about what had happened. So we went over to our best friend Brittany's house and she was sitting there. Waiting. 

She tells us that it was suicide that had taken Desiree from us. A suicide pact with her boyfriend. I couldn't believe it. It wasn't right. It wasn't her. It didn't make sense.

Then came the phone calls. We wanted to reach everyone. Make sure they were told by a friend. That was the hardest part. Trying to give someone else the bad news that we couldn't even accept. Knowing that what we were about to tell them was the worst news they may ever hear.

We all gathered at Brittany's. Waiting. Watching. Wondering.

Then it all went quiet. On the news was her picture. Her face that we would never see again. The story told was that of a tragic end to a young life.

No one understands.

For the first time in years I cried. I cried untill I couldn't cry anymore.

We held a candle light vigil with her family. We mourned. We held the funeral. We buried her with love.

She was only 17 years old.

She will never know the number of people she has hurt.

She will never know the damage she has done. 

She will never know how many people she touched with her vibrant spirit.

She will never know how much she will be missed.

She will never know how much she is loved.